Pondering Erotica and Sex

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I am still processing what happened yesterday, when I discovered that my blog was designated “mature” or “nsfw” by WordPress. Anyone who is curious about that event can take a look at the forum thread at http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/posts-not-showing-up-in-wordpress-reader?replies=9#post-1914835

I acknowledge that my blog does contain sexual content and that some of the photos could be considered a bit risqué, though I have definitely never posted nudity or pornographic images. Anyway this incident has caused me to think more about society and sexuality and the representations thereof within our culture. Specifically I am wishing to define the difference between erotica and pornography for myself.

I should say that I have almost never even seen pornography. I know that sounds kind of bizarre for a woman who is regularly writing erotica and erotic poetry. However pornography has simply never appealed to me. What arouses me are thoughts, sensations and impressions, and not necessarily images from the media.

I have been masturbating since I was about three years old. Arousal and orgasm for me as a young child was never associated with any person or sexual act per se. It was a pathway deep inside myself to touch the divine, to feel my spiritual wholeness. Thankfully that pathway has never been compromised by any molestation, sexual abuse or experience of rape for me in this lifetime.

My first boyfriend, who I dated in high school and college, became interested in pornography at one point. I found his porn collection when I was cleaning his bedroom as a favor.

I felt uncomfortable with it. I sensed a darkness around it, a feeling of objectification, degradation.

One time he told me something that really touched me, he said “Lonely guys need pornography to be as empty as it is. If a lonely guy were to watch a movie of a woman making a beautiful meal for her husband, asking him about his day, giving supportive advice, cuddling in his arms, and making love to him, he will break emotionally.”

I understand that pornography meets a wide variety of needs and it is not always as simple as that. I do not look down on those who like pornography or use it; I simply feel it is generally lacking the depth of spiritual connection and artistic inspiration that can be present within sexual experience.

I have tried in my erotica and erotic poetry to share my own perspective on sex, the holistic depth of it, the emotional, spiritual aspects, the connection to other humans, the connection to nature. I share my writing to express myself and if it touches others and creates the space within the mind to weave sensuality and sexuality into a more fully integrated tapestry within the psyche, then that pleases me.

I can understand the position of WordPress related to the Reader. A person could easily be searching a topic like Christianity and end up looking at a pic of my boobs and a poem about about a sacrosanct tryst https://eroticapoetica.wordpress.com/2013/10/25/the-temple-of-the-mother/. Yet to me this is not necessarily wrong. This is spiritual and artistic expression. This is my truth. Even if it’s not necessarily safe for work…

Eroticapoetica Flagged By WordPress

Dear friends, I just discovered that my lil labor of love, eroticapoetica, has been flagged by wordpress as “Mature” or “NSFW.”  What this means is that although my posts still get published, and still appear in the WordPress Reader of my followers, they are not appearing in the general Reader where one can view topics by tags.  That means that new readers would be hard pressed to find my posts.  From now on, I will be posting all of my posts here on http://www.eroticapoetica.wordpress.com as well as my other blog http://www.innerworldofpuanani.wordpress.com

I invite you all to follow me at http://www.innerworldofpuanani.wordpress.com if you haven’t already.

Now this news certainly makes me pout.  I find it kind of strange that this happened.  Though my blog is “mature” and contains sexual content, I never post full nudity or pornographic images.  I try to keep my pictures tasteful and subtle and I consider my content to be wholesome and holistic in its portrayal of the sensual aspects of life.  Certainly there are blogs that are far more explicit or vulgar in their content that are still appearing in the topics on WordPress Reader.  So why was mine flagged? Who knows, the mysteries of life…

Letting Go

Not sure if this posted properly

erotica poetica

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My heart was quaking with fear
until you took my hand,
clandestinely beneath the sheets.

I realized
you were not actually trying
to hurt me.

I released
the breath
I was holding.

I let go.

Memories of being loved washed over me,
a soft wave of
comforting impressions.
And this moment blended in,
adding its vibrant colors
to the worn tapestry,
flecked with gold
and the warmth of your touch.

I relaxed into the night,
into the dreamtime journey
unfolding within
the ark of your bed
while you silently chanted your prayers
in an ancient sacred language.

In the dark,
you cradled my backside
within the cup of your palm,
painted roses
upon my skin
in slow circles
with the trace of your fingers.

You loosed the breaths
from my lips,
throaty and full.

I moaned
and cried
as my inner self
parted
and cracked open,
releasing The Unbearable Lightness…

View original post 23 more words

Letting Go

 

20140623-112603.jpg
My heart was quaking with fear
until you took my hand,
clandestinely beneath the sheets.

 

I realized
you were not actually trying
to hurt me.

 

I released
the breath
I was holding.

 

I let go.

 

Memories of being loved washed over me,
a soft wave of
comforting impressions.
And this moment blended in,
adding its vibrant colors
to the worn tapestry,
flecked with gold
and the warmth of your touch.

 

I relaxed into the night,
into the dreamtime journey
unfolding within
the ark of your bed
while you silently chanted your prayers
in an ancient sacred language.

 

In the dark,
you cradled my backside
within the cup of your palm,
painted roses
upon my skin
in slow circles
with the trace of your fingers.

 

You loosed the breaths
from my lips,
throaty and full.

 

I moaned
and cried
as my inner self
parted
and cracked open,
releasing The Unbearable Lightness of Being,
easing the weight
of my soul’s
dark burdens.

 

I let go.

 

That night
I felt strangely
like I could
trust you.

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Name of Love

In a moment of unguarded pleasure,

your name slips

from the lips

of my heart,

like an old language.

I cradle it

to my bosom,

cherishing the diminutive;

and all the love

that is stored

within the compact archives of my form

arises to caress

the familiar syllables.

I have tried in my communications

and myriad poems

to elucidate

the effect

you have had on me.

Yet perhaps there will never be enough words

to describe

how deep

you have entered me.

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Awarded With a Liebster

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I get so tickled by the love that I get on my blog.  Recently I was nominated for a Liebster Award by The Woman Invisible http://www.thewomaninvisible.wordpress.com.  I am thankful for her appreciation of my poetry and honored by the acknowledgement.  I very much enjoy reading her blog, which is full of witty, engaging posts about her experiences with ending her marriage and seeking an affair.  Her stories are fascinating for a single gal like me who hasn’t even gotten my ears wet with a marriage, let alone an affair.

This award comes with a lot of juicy questions for me to answer, but awards on wordpress also come with rules, and everyone knows I am a good little girl so of course I am following the rules and let’s be clear about what those are.   Then we will get to my intimate confessions.

1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.

Again thanks to The Woman Invisible http://www.thewomaninvisible.wordpress.com, you are very sweet.

2. Display the award on your blog by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”.

I have done so, though I’m sure you’d probably prefer to see a pic of my gorgeous boobs.

3. Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

My answers are posted below for all inquiring minds.

4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.

Nothing about me is random but I’ll try.

5. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers.

How to choose when I love you all so much…

6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

I am consulting my crystal ball on the most pertinent questions.

7. List these rules on your post.

Once you have written and published it, you then have to:

8. Inform people/blogs that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!) .

This is a no brainer for me.  I can’t keep a secret for nothing.

 

Okay, okay, okay phewf; we’re done with the rules, now to the goods.

 

11 Facts About Me:

1. I am a classic Millennial; I value traveling, creative projects, community, and having experiences over stability and material possessions.

2. I communicate with the spirits of plants and especially edible plants.  One of my fondest such memories was of a conversation I had with Coffee Bean.

3. I am extremely knowledgable about gourmet cheeses.  I once opened up a cheese shop for a large corporation due to my expertise.

4. I studied yoga in South India and experienced Tantric revelation while there, riding the wave of one particularly powerful orgasm.

5. I am not afraid of death, only sometimes of life.

6. Nothing physically unsafe has ever happened to me.  I grew up in a functional loving family.  I really don’t have any excuses.

7. I wanted to be a writer since the age of six when I first learned to write.

8. I am extremely gifted at finding the most delicious food in any location or situation.  I am great to hang with you if you like to eat well.

9. I am a California state licensed massage therapist and give amazing yummy massages.

10.  Kids adore me but I have not yet had any children of my own.  I hope to some day.

11. My family is the goofiest and on special occasions we often compose funny songs and poems for each other.

 

11 Questions from The Woman Invisible for me to answer:

1. Are you more honest in your blog than real life?

It just depends on who I am talking to.  I am very honest with my close confidants.  One particularity about me is that I don’t really believe in confidentiality.   I believe all that is known allows us to understand more and grow.  If anything I am always seeking to perceive truth at a deeper level.
2. Do you believe in monogamy?

“Believe” is a funny word.  I wish I could have a monogamous relationship with a man that I adore.  However I am not seeing the proof in the pudding that this is possible for me right now.  I am aware that monogamous relationships are difficult to maintain, especially in American society today where it seems that the social fabric does not really support them.  My parents have a strong monogamous relationship, but they are working with a cultural model that is related to our Jewish ancestry in Eastern Europe.
3. What’s the sexiest thing about you?

It’s hard to know what is sexy about yourself, what others perceive in you, but I suspect that in my case what people are drawn to is my sensual comfort in my own skin.  I have a deep grounding in my knowing of the beauty of being human and the love that emanates from this place.  Even though sometimes my spark has diminished I have always managed to rekindle it and keep it alive.
4. Have you ever met another blogger?

No, though I have had a couple near misses with the amazing Sahar of http://www.exoticescortdiary.com.  She is like a soul sister to me.  I still hope to meet with her sometime.

5. What’s your favorite color and why?

My favorite color is pink.  It is so soft and feminine, so sweet.  I love sweetness.
6. What song/song lyrics can always make you cry? Include a clip here….

A boyfriend played this song for me on my birthday once.  This song is bittersweet for me because I wish life was more like a Rainbow Country.
7. Summer or Winter?

Summer definitely.  I love tropical places best.  I moved to California and left all the cold behind.
8. Best sex ever? And don’t leave out the good parts….

This is a hard one; often times when I have wonderful sex I write a poem about it to revisit that moment again.   I think right now my favorite time was pretty recently, the last time I reunited with my lover after a period of separation.  We were so hungry for each other.  I find you are best able to savor the flavors when you are truly hungry.  Each touch was like a revelation.  I was so turned on; I came like 10 times.  My lover was so aroused that he came twice and stayed hard without skipping a beat, before he finally washed out on the third time.  My poem about that experience was called  Bittersweet https://eroticapoetica.wordpress.com/2014/05/02/bittersweet-2/

9. Just how crazy are you?

I am crazy enough that twice I had viral meningitis and believed that I was being energetically attacked.   But I am not wild and erratic in my behavior for the most part.  I may seem crazy with my metaphysical beliefs but I do not act crazy; I’m pretty stable and steady.
10. Sex, drugs, or rock and roll? What’s your poison?

Sex definitely.

11. What is the sexiest thing you have posted? Add the link here.

Hmmm…I post a lot of sexy stuff.  I think my sexiest might have been a little story called Break Me Open: A Tale of Erotic Massage https://eroticapoetica.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/break-me-open-a-tale-of-erotic-massage/

And now, my own nominations:

http://portraitsofmyashtray.wordpress.com/  Incredibly lyrical and poetic blog about a wild wandering heart

http://shamelesslyguiltless.wordpress.com  Riveting, sexy tales from a vibrant, naughty woman

http://submissivenightowl.wordpress.com/  Deeply insightful

http://thebreakdownoftaboo.wordpress.com/ Clever and interesting poetry and writings

http://indianwomanofpleasure.com/ An honest journal of self-discovery

 

My questions for you:

1. What was one of the happiest experiences of your life?

2. Where is one of your favorite places to be?

3. What is the sexiest thing a partner can do for you?

4. What is one of your best food memories?

5. Barefoot or shoes?  If shoes, what kind?

6. Did you ever surprise yourself with a post on your blog?

7. What is the most wild thing about you?

8. If you were to move to another country, which would it be?

9. What’s one of the naughtiest things you ever did?

10. What’s your philosophy in one sentence?

11. Who is one of your favorite poets?

 

Blessings to all! Love, Pua Nani