Pondering Erotica and Sex

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I am still processing what happened yesterday, when I discovered that my blog was designated “mature” or “nsfw” by WordPress. Anyone who is curious about that event can take a look at the forum thread at http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/posts-not-showing-up-in-wordpress-reader?replies=9#post-1914835

I acknowledge that my blog does contain sexual content and that some of the photos could be considered a bit risqué, though I have definitely never posted nudity or pornographic images. Anyway this incident has caused me to think more about society and sexuality and the representations thereof within our culture. Specifically I am wishing to define the difference between erotica and pornography for myself.

I should say that I have almost never even seen pornography. I know that sounds kind of bizarre for a woman who is regularly writing erotica and erotic poetry. However pornography has simply never appealed to me. What arouses me are thoughts, sensations and impressions, and not necessarily images from the media.

I have been masturbating since I was about three years old. Arousal and orgasm for me as a young child was never associated with any person or sexual act per se. It was a pathway deep inside myself to touch the divine, to feel my spiritual wholeness. Thankfully that pathway has never been compromised by any molestation, sexual abuse or experience of rape for me in this lifetime.

My first boyfriend, who I dated in high school and college, became interested in pornography at one point. I found his porn collection when I was cleaning his bedroom as a favor.

I felt uncomfortable with it. I sensed a darkness around it, a feeling of objectification, degradation.

One time he told me something that really touched me, he said “Lonely guys need pornography to be as empty as it is. If a lonely guy were to watch a movie of a woman making a beautiful meal for her husband, asking him about his day, giving supportive advice, cuddling in his arms, and making love to him, he will break emotionally.”

I understand that pornography meets a wide variety of needs and it is not always as simple as that. I do not look down on those who like pornography or use it; I simply feel it is generally lacking the depth of spiritual connection and artistic inspiration that can be present within sexual experience.

I have tried in my erotica and erotic poetry to share my own perspective on sex, the holistic depth of it, the emotional, spiritual aspects, the connection to other humans, the connection to nature. I share my writing to express myself and if it touches others and creates the space within the mind to weave sensuality and sexuality into a more fully integrated tapestry within the psyche, then that pleases me.

I can understand the position of WordPress related to the Reader. A person could easily be searching a topic like Christianity and end up looking at a pic of my boobs and a poem about about a sacrosanct tryst https://eroticapoetica.wordpress.com/2013/10/25/the-temple-of-the-mother/. Yet to me this is not necessarily wrong. This is spiritual and artistic expression. This is my truth. Even if it’s not necessarily safe for work…

Surprise, An Erotic Story

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It was a sunny day in early April. My appointment for the afternoon had been cancelled and I found myself home with nothing I needed to be doing, a rare treat in a busy life. I decided it would be a good time to sunbathe; I was hoping to tan for the summer. My apartment is on the second floor and I had been noticing that the walls of my porch appeared to be deep enough that I could lie on the ground in the sun without being seen by anyone from the windows and patios of the neighboring houses. I wanted to sunbathe nude.

I stepped out on the porch and the smooth adobe-colored floor was screaming hot against my feet from the sun’s rays. I laid down a large beach towel and then eased onto my behind, lying backside down. Once there, I looked up and checked again to see if I might be exposed to any observers. I decided no.

I stealthily untied my black satin robe and pulled it out from underneath me. The sun was bright above me, and I draped the thin fabric of the robe over my face, covering my eyes with its cool darkness.

My skin began to absorb warmth and moisten with sweat. I settled back into the floor and breathed, allowed my mind to settle. I tuned in to the sensations occurring in my body.

Being naked in the fresh air felt good. The sun was hot against my bare skin but there was a slight breeze that came up now and again.

The breeze washed over the length of me and I felt it caress my breasts, graze my belly, tickle me between my thighs. It was a strange feeling being so exposed outdoors; it felt a little bit naughty.

I had spread my legs apart so that I would tan evenly. The coolness of the wind touched me subtly with its fingers, teasing me between my open thighs. I felt arousal swell within the depths of my inner folds. My pussy begin to throb, clenching and unclenching like a wave. Dew of arousal dripped from the tender opening, coating my sensitive skin with wetness, to be licked by the air.

I felt the fullness of my breasts bloom like flowers, my nippples hardening. I grazed one finger over my nipple and shuddered from the sensation. I wanted to touch myself more but then thought what if someone could see me?

I dropped my hand and relaxed into the ground, enjoying the sun’s heat. Arousal pulsed and flowed through my body, making my skin tingle.

All around me were the sounds of neighborhood life. Faint conversations as people walked by and the occasional sound of cars driving by on the distant street. My porch overlooked the parking lot of the apartment complex, which sat just off a quiet side street.

I tuned in to the noises, and after awhile my ears followed the sound of a car that was approaching. I heard it park nearby in the lot. Then I heard the ding of an automatic lock locking.

Something about the sound put me on my guard and made me feel like maybe I should go in. I felt strangely raw and exposed in my nakedness, even though I knew no one could see me.

I heard footsteps that sounded like they were approaching my own staircase and I began to get nervous. Was someone coming to my apartment?

I heard the footsteps begin to climb up my stairs. I knew my roommate would not be home until evening. The only person who would ever come over unannounced during the middle of the day was my lover. Sometimes he would surprise me at home in the afternoon, just when I least expected him. I froze with a mixture of fear and excitement.

I knew the door was unlocked but strained to hear a knock. Soon I heard a light knock, a da da da rhythm that confirmed it was him. I was relieved yet frightened.

Why was he visiting? We had recently decided we weren’t going to see each other anymore. I was very surprised.

Yet I was filled with a rush of heat, a sense of heightened arousal. Excitement poured through my body and I felt beads of sweat building into a liquid against my back. I heard him open the door. He called my name in his familiar voice. Instead of putting on my robe and getting up to answer the door, I decided to remain still.

I listened to him walking around inside the apartment. My face was still covered by the satin robe. He could not see my expression and I could not see him or anything else. Then I heard the sound of his footsteps walking towards me. His walk was stealthy and quiet. He paused right outside the screen door. I felt him gazing down at me. He was silent and so was I. I held still with great effort. I imagined what he saw, me lying supine, fully naked, my skin rosy from heat and arousal, my breasts pillowy and full, nipples pointed up, my legs slightly parted, my pussy exposed.

Then I heard the sound of his zipper unzipping, his belt buckle unbuttoning. A smile spread across my lips and my body relaxed. I allowed myself to revel in the anticipation of pleasure.

I heard him push the screen door aside and step outside. I felt him bend down over me and then place his hands on my knees, nudging my legs to open wider. He kneeled before me, between my spread legs. His skin felt cool against my own.

His movements were slow and deliberate. Suddenly I felt the head of his hot cock press against the lips of my labia, dipping into the moisture. I moaned involuntarily. He rubbed the length of his cock against my clit, teasing me just like he knew I like to be teased.

He teased me til I was going crazy. Finally, I grabbed onto his hips and pulled him to me, guiding him inside me.

We both gasped at the shock of penetration, as he slid deep inside my plush wetness.

He lowered himself down on top of me, pressing his chest against me, and pushed away the satin cloth that covered my face. For a second our eyes locked.

“I missed you” he whispered.

He leaned in to kiss me.

What a delicious surprise.

My Body Made of Soft Earth

Today I am celebrating the one year anniversary of eroticapoetica. 111 posts! Here is one of my absolute favorites of my poetry, My Body Made of Soft Earth.
My blog has provided me with loads of inspiration and I love all the connections I’ve made with you beautiful and amazing people in the blogging world. Thanks to all for reading and sharing in my life and I hope you have a sexy day 😉

erotica poetica

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My breasts bud like flowers,

my hard pink nipples brilliant stamens,

and I am fertile and blooming

with the ripeness of being alive,

my body made of soft Earth.

 

I hold the round crater of my hips delicately in my hands,

smooth my fingers slowly over sensitive skin,

and lightly tease my way in

towards the hidden folds and creases

between my thighs,

the deep well

of myself,

where the ground is

so wet and moist.

 

Inside,

I am like deep forest after the rain.

A lush secret,

waiting for you to enter,

so that all

can be revealed.

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It Was Like A Taste

I could write this poem again today

erotica poetica

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It was like a taste that appeared on my tongue,

the sumptuous taste of sex with you,

unforgettable, inimitable.

 

Suddenly that taste filled my thoughts

and I savored it within my mouth,

my appetite whet

to feast upon you.

To eat you.

 

I was sitting up in bed,

but I lay back into the pillows.

Subtle fabric of desire

covered me like silk,

and I luxuriated in imagining the sensual fibers

of our bodies sown together in tautness,

in delicious pleasure.

 

I could have drowned

in those opulent thoughts

of fucking you.

My nipples became hard like pearls,

between my thighs I was wet like the sea.

I rode the waves of sensation

as they broke over me,

came gasping

to the shore

of my bed.

 

Your dream penetrates me so hard sometimes,

touches me deep inside.

You arouse me so much in those moments

that…

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My Body Made of Soft Earth

photo-155

My breasts bud like flowers,

my hard pink nipples brilliant stamens,

and I am fertile and blooming

with the ripeness of being alive,

my body made of soft Earth.

 

I hold the round crater of my hips delicately in my hands,

smooth my fingers slowly over sensitive skin,

and lightly tease my way in

towards the hidden folds and creases

between my thighs,

the deep well

of myself,

where the ground is

so wet and moist.

 

Inside,

I am like deep forest after the rain.

A lush secret,

waiting for you to enter,

so that all

can be revealed.

Fabulous Gutter Blogger

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I was tickled with delight recently to have the dubiously illustrious title of Fabulous Gutter Blogger bestowed upon me by Ms. Pussy of the Cliterary Review http://www.cliteraryreview.com.  She so kindly said of my little blog eroticapoetica: “Erotic poetry at its best.  A truly sensual experience in highbrow gutter. ;) And yes, that is a compliment!”

Thanks, darling.    Ms. Pussy also offered a little background to the concept of “gutter blogging” which has apparently garnered its own definition from Urban Dictionary, which I will quote for you here (since I love the cleverness so often displayed by UD’s definers):

“A member of the blogging niche that writes, reads, and discusses topics related to relationships, sex, kink, sexual perversity. Basically, really enjoys talking about… fucking.”

So, yesss…I sure do love to write about fucking, but in my own delicately highbrow way, of course.  My brows just don’t really go all that low.  They never have.  To be honest I am hopelessly intellectual and also an eternal romantic; I love to romance the prose of life into poetry, that is my pleasure, you know.

The lovely Ms. Pussy passed along some juicy questions for each recipient of this award.  She also suggested that each thank the person who nominated you, cite your favorite post from their site, and link to their blog, which I just did above, like a good little girl.

The questions are:

1) What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

2) What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?

3) Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try?(tell us what it is)

4)What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?

5) Has gutter blogging taught you anything?

6) What is your favorite post from the person who nominated you?

So I will start with praising beautiful Ms. Pussy of Cliterary Review before I plunge into the gutter-depths of my own psyche.  I really love a lot of her posts, as she tends to beautifully illuminate some of the underlying feelings and power dynamics that so engage our emotions in our erotic scenarios, but I think my favorite right now is Chocolate Musings http://www.cliteraryreview.com/2013/04/01/chocolate-musings/, as let’s face it I am obsessed with food and sex and all the metaphorical relationships between the two.  You could say I am orally fixated.  Yet I am not easily pleased; I am a snobby gourmet with a very discerning palate and Pussy’s offerings are like no standard candy bar that you can buy at the convenience store, they are quite refined and sumptuous.

Now as to the kinkiest thing I’ve ever done, this was a little bit of a hard one for me, as tho I love a good spanking as much as the next girl, I’m really not a very kinky person per se.  A couple of things came to mind but the one I will share was: one time my partner slid my g-string inside my pussy and pressed his fingers in and played with it, and then pulled it out and wrapped the string on his tongue and kissed me with it, so that we were both licking it.  He gets off on eating body fluids like that.  Very tantric.  I like panties and of course I get off on pleasing him.  That’s just my vanilla-style naturally submissive nature.  I love to please my man.

There are many things that I now know about sex that I wish I had known earlier in life, but I think the most important thing for me was about having an orgasm during sex.  When I was younger, I used to fake orgasms because I could not figure out how to get myself to cum during sex.  Then finally with one boyfriend I was really comfortable with, I had the courage to try touching myself the way I do when I masturbate while he was fucking me.  Oooh it worked!  And so I share my experience with the hope that it will empower others to create a comfortable space for themselves with their partners in which they can truly explore what gives them pleasure, sans shame and inhibition.

As to gutter fantasies that I’d like to try, I am finding that for me what is truly erotic is mystery, anticipation, something slightly withheld but hinted at, pleasures slowly revealed and then more fully indulged in.  I recently read of the concept of “festival time” or an experience of time that unfolds outside of ordinary reality and the day to day world, a state in which you are suspended in the thrall of hedonistic pleasures with no care to the clock.  I want to go into the bedroom with my partner and enter “festival time” and very slowly and subtly tease each other into greater states of pleasure.  Massage each other with hot oils, with hot stones, with crystal wands, tickle each other with feathers, listen to sensual music, fill the room with luscious scents, lick and taste every part of our bodies, and…well…you get the idea 😉

The funniest bedroom situation that I’ve ever been in?  Was maybe when I was fucking a guy and all of  a sudden he had a seizure.  That was kinda crazy.  After that he told me I was too intense for him, and he could not have sex with me again.  He was a bipolar punk rocker.  I guess he just couldn’t handle a woman this powerful he he he.

Now as to the question of whether “gutter blogging” has taught me anything, that is an interesting one.  I started writing erotic poetry to channel my feelings about one particular partner that I have had a very intense sexual and emotional relationship with.  At first I just sent him the poems that came and he got all turned on by them and flattered me by saying that I should submit my poetry to Playboy magazine.  I made a blog instead, tho I did not particularly expect anyone to read it and so was pleasantly surprised when you beautiful readers started appearing and liking and commenting and following etc.  Then I broke up with that guy and dated another guy for a time and some poems came through that were inspired by being with him.  Then like an idiot he broke up with me and the first guy inevitably was begging to return to my bed.  A lot for me to process emotionally, but blogging allowed me to step outside of the emotional space of the relationships to some degree and own my experiences and my perspectives as mine.  To define myself as a sensual woman outside of the context of one partner, one relationship.  To flirt with creating my own image of myself.

So that’s a little bit about me, now here, without further adieu, are my chosen nominees for Fabulous Gutter Blogger Award so I can pay the love forward:

1. Magenta Nero http://www.magentanero.wordpress.com

I absolutely love this blog, such graceful poetry and prose, exploring the darkness and light hidden within the individual and collective unconscious.

2. Sex and the Shameless http://www.sexandtheshameless.wordpress.com

This blog is a delicious pleasure to read, like a serial novel; it reminds me of a gutter version of Bridget Jones Diary, well written, thoughtful and clever.

3. Black Satin http://www.jacquezyon.wordpress.com

Spiritual, sensual, thoughtful, insightful erotic poetry and prose blog.  A poet like this is my weakness. I can tell that when it comes to seduction, he is armed and dangerous.

4. Mitzihell  www.mitzihell.wordpress.com

This blog is so sassy, funny, sexy and awesome.

So love to all y’all and thanks for inspiring me and supporting me.

— Pua Nani